Edumacational.

I am generally ambivalent regarding Dave Eggers, but this eighteen minute speed-talk regarding the great work being done by 826Valencia and its various chapters is really inspiring.

Infidel.

To celebrate Fidel Castro’s announcement of retirement, here’s a picture of him with his shirt off, playing table tennis. That is all.

Sweden.

1. The robot announcer on the Stanstead Express is an almost perfect fascimile of Michael Caine. ‘Ullo, Sweden.

2. Copenhagen airport has a lit, decorated xmas tree on the grassed no-mans-land between the runways. The plane taxis past it and little apple red lights cut through a sheet of mist.

3. Train from Malmo to Gothenburg. Copses of ghost trees, a red crust of fallen leaves, ploughed wet earth. Sloped copper roofs. Sky of blemished steel. You know, shit like that.

4. Some guy with a piano accordion, on a street corner, playing the best “faux-authentic peak holiday experience music” I’ve heard all evening.

5. A junk shop hat made from a grey poodle. Not purchased. I now regret this.

6. There was stage-diving at a Harvey Williams gig and I missed it. I will never forgive myself.

7. Souvenirs from past trips include: a centipede in resin, a Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass, a striped tie. But nothing this time.

TETXS

MESSAGES SENT:

My monkey is better than your monkey.

I have been to the loo sixteen times so far. Twice more and I get a trophy.

I’m home alone, just like Macaulay

This train is packed! There’s a girl sitting next to me reading a tug-of-war manual.

I’m heating the brisket in the autoclave.

I saw a bumblebee.

Did you know you can get fake blood at Tescos at the moment? Delicious.

I HAS A NAP.

My parasite likes you.

It’s so fucking cold.

MESSAGES RECEIVED:

My wovepine egguess have circled their wagonskxers

No! Tomorrow

In ape costumes? Rock of

A pig ate it

I like pizza

I can hear you singing

Bumblebee.

Yesterday I had a conversation with Academy Award Nominee Tom Conti about sofa beds (true story).  Today I saw a bumblebee.  Things are pretty okay. 

strawberry crumble

I baked this sexy little bitch yesterday. Then I ate it. Today I made a raspberry one, and I ate that too.

I have an awesome new hobby.

 

Cane-Almost-Toad

In no particular order:

• Here’s a list (plus videos) of great long tracking shots from various films including the opening shot of The Player, and (natch) A Touch of Evil.

• “Sometimes I call him Greenie. And sometimes I call him Reddie. And sometimes I call him Cane-Almost-Toad. And sometimes, I call him Dairy Queen.”

• Someone edited together a string of movie quotes featuring numbers from one to a hundred. Neat.

• And lastly - but certainly not leastly - here’s a video of a bunch of guys humping an ottoman.  Don’t say I never gave you anything.

Fourth, Second, First.

Photo by RZH.

Again with the snow. On my lunch break I walked down Goodge Street and stretched my arms before me, watching the crystals come to rest on my black sleeves. This is the fourth time I’ve seen snow, the second time I’ve seen it fall, and the first time it’s fallen upon me.

Holding Pattern.

Er, I am still alive. And have limbs to type with. And fully intend to provide you with more scintilliating details about my life: eating snacks, tripping over things, accidentally setting fire to pelicans.  Cue excuses, and empty promises. Seriously, though, and no foolin’: I’ll be back.

Peas & Mushrooms

So here’s what you do. Sautée this business in a little olive oil: shallots, garlic, carrot, anchovy fillets, mushrooms. Add peas and ground pepper. Tip into a baking tray and sprinkle with breadcrumbs and parmesan cheese. Real parmesan cheese, capisce? None of that sawdust-in-a-jar nonsense. Bake until the breadcrumbs are golden and crunchy. Then, eat that sumbitch.

I invented this today, and it was pretty good.